Let's just let God do the Job

I want to be and believe myself to be the type of God-follower that realizes I am nothing without my savior. Yet I venture off a little ways from Him trying to do things on my own and then realize why nothing is going right. In that moment it seems not good enough to know I am nothing without my savior. I realize once again I am not in control at all like I had hoped. To come back to the understanding that I need God so much in every minute of everyday is both rewarding and seemingly disturbing. There are times when I realize I have been spinning my wheels without Him. Instead of just humbly accepting the answer to all my problems, which is just including God and depending on Him fully, I can find myself almost hurt that I couldn't make something work on my own.
What is going on when I break it down is that there is a war going on. The part of me that is completely surrendered to God and the part of me that is full of pride are warring against each other. My ultimate desire is to be fully surrendered to God, living life for Him and around Him. Well, I apparently have not arrived. God is working with me, and that is very exciting and kind of scary at times. He has brought me to a place where I am stripped bare. I am left only to depend on Him, no other resources. I am tested much more when I don't have any other means, "just in case He doesn't show up". This is what you call a trial. God's word tells us that trials produce in the end a hope in Him. That is because hope in Him does not disappoint us. Sometimes God has to bring us to places where we cannot rely on anything else but Him in order to realize that He is all we really need.
It's very humbling time and time again to realize I cannot make it two days without God. I want to think I have things figured out, but the truth is I can start forgetting who I am quicker than I think. Spending time with God and surrounding myself with the truth of who He is, is what gives me strength. If I am not filling myself with God, I am filling myself with independent, self-reliant attitudes. That only leads to plans that fail, emotions that are scattered, and disappointment in myself. I am not meant to figure life out alone. God is my complete source, and He promises to always be with me.
God, thank you that I fail with out you because it leads me back to you.